WidowPie

A conversation with God I miss him.  I know. I want someone to love me. I love you. I want someone to talk to.   Talk to me. I want someone to spend time with.  Spend time with me. I loved him so much. Love me. Love yourself. He loved me so much.  I love you more. He was my number one and I was his.   I am your number one and you are mine. I thought these things while driving in my car one day and I heard theses replies as near as day. *I meant to type "as clear as day" but a typo made it say "near" and that applies too. So, I left it. I miss being the first person he calls when he had exciting (or even bad) news. I miss going on golf cart rides and listening to him play music so loud that when we stopped to talk to neighbors I couldn't hear what they were saying. I miss his hugs and his smile.  I miss so many things and I always will. But, I think the things I miss most, the things I crave, like love, conversation, and time

I promised to get back to the phrase "That was God." Remember the first blog post and the "coincidence" of those two similar sentences- One from the last book Drew signed for the girls and one from a card he wrote me years before. Remember how I kept trying different blog addresses and all were taken and then it hit me those similarities weren't a "coincidence," they were instead a sign from God. And how after trying LOTS of other possible blog addresses, I tried "That was God" and it was available! Below is what made the phrase "That was God" come to mind. Posted on Facebook on November 6, 2018 (the one year anniversary of Drew's funeral): There are so many things I miss about Drew: his unconditional love, trustworthiness, patience, rational decision making, kindness, the security I felt when I was with him, the lost future and much more. On the anniversary of his funeral I want to share a few things (from this unwanted jour

One year after Drew's accident I put this on Facebook:  This picture was taken a year ago today. The day of Drew’s accident (10/23/17). We love and miss him so much. Fourteen years together was not enough, but no amount of time would have been - I would have always wanted more. The first time I saw Drew I asked a friend who he was and when we were introduced (at a football game a few weeks later) I knew he was the one for me. When he asked my parent’s permission to propose he told them he would love and take care of me forever. Our love was always going to be “until death do us part.” There’s an emptiness inside me that won’t ever completely go away; but, with the mercy and grace of God, I am prepared to carry it and keep living. I will continue to pray that I am enough for the girls and try to follow a friend’s advice to focus on what I do have instead of what’s missing. The girls and I are hopeful for the future and are forever grateful for the time we had with Drew and the fr

As you can see, the title of this blog is WidowPie. Its a play on a nickname Drew and I had for each other. There were lots of nicknames. Big- not that either of us are/were large in stature, it was more like "big love." Another favorite came from my teasing that since his name is Andrew and was shortened to Drew it technically could have been shortened to An. So for a long time we called each other (and his vehicle) An. A final favorite came from my saying something about a pie face. He asked, "what in the world does that mean?" "you know, big and round, like a pie." His mother always thought we said it because we thought each other were as sweet as pie, and we did, but that wasn't the origination of the nickname. Since I wanted this blog to be about my experience as a widow I decide to call it WidowPie. Plus, when I think of pie I think of mixing together lots of different ingredients (this blog will be about lots of things) and the end product being

Lets start at the beginning. Not the beginning beginning as in when Christ was born. And not even the beginning of my story (although hopefully I will get to that soon). Just the beginning of this blog. I was trying to come up with a blogspot address and I thought I need something that is meaningful,  s omething to represent me and my journey . So I grabbed two of my favorite things and starting thinking. First, a book. When my husband was in a coma in the hospital I had his step mother go out and get the book "Wherever You Are my love will find you" by Nancy Tillman. I wrote "I love you" and then I held the pen in his had and signed "Dad." It was the last book he would give our girls. It's a beautiful book. I cry when I read it. My 9 year old memorized the book, she was a daddy's girl. A favorite line in the book reads "I wanted you more than you ever will know, so I sent love to follow wherever you go." The second item. A dog-tag styl